Holy shit, Santa Claus is dead! What is going to happen to Christmas?! Well.. Nothing.. We will just have to celebrate Kwanzaa! Thankfully, the peeps over at Cards Against Humanity are making the death of Santa easier to handle by sending everyone 10 gifts throughout December. Who needs Santa when you have horrible people?!
So what is it you ask? It’s simple. Head on over and sign up for only $15 and you will receive a gift on 10 different days throughout December. For those of you who participated last year, do not worry as this year is totally different. The only downfall is you are limited to one per household which means if you are a polygamist you are screwed. Below is the press release provided:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CHICAGO, Il. – Santa Claus, beloved holiday mascot, died Sunday of complications from obesity-related illness. He was 1,744 years old.
Mr. Claus became famous for delivering gifts to children by gaining entry into their homes, eating their baked goods, and leaving without a trace. He is survived by his wife, Mrs. Claus, and eight reindeer that have been sold at auction to the Los Angeles Zoo.
Remembered as a jovial old man and corporate icon, Mr. Claus’ death prompted an outpouring of condolences from celebrities and world leaders. White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest said, “I guess we’ll all celebrate Kwanzaa this year. Wait…how many days is Kwanzaa?”
What are you still waiting for? Get off your lazy ass and head on over to CAH and grab yourself a subscription before it’s too late!